BEING THE PRIZE

So this is the story that I heard as a child and it stuck. Often it is the only thing that keeps me going when it seems like there is nothing left:

Once upon a time, out in the country there was a jar of fresh milk that was placed outside. It just so happens that two frogs were jumping by and fell into the jar. They were peddling for a while unable to get out of the jar, constantly slipping and unable to grab a hold of anything. That wen on for a while and one of the frogs realizing situation was hopeless said that nothing could be done and stopped peddling, thus effectively drowning. The second frog recognizing the same thing said to itself as long as there is any bit of strength left I will continue peddling for I will do everything that is within my power in this particularly unfortunate situation. So it continued for a while and then, well what happen then is that the second frog from all the vigorous peddling turned the milk into butter and once on a hard surface was easily able to jump out of the jar.
Yes there are moments when improvement and all the other things seem like peddling inside a milk jar, and often I feel like almost giving up, but I don’t for I know that if I stick with it long enough it has no choice but yield results, beyond any imaginable expectations.

It’s funny how your path in life is often guided by outsiders who give directions to places they have never traveled before. People who want “what’s best for  you” but very often achieve the opposite. Who are we to dictate another person’s life?

We can give our unique experiences to one another for piece of mind, but we should preface it with the knowledge that it is ultimately their choice as to what they should do. We often guide people out of selfishness. We often lead them down a path that limits their greatness out of feat that it will somehow inhibit our own greatness if they succeed. The scarcity of success and money, the love of family and friends, the righteous attitude of the “enlightened” often lead us down paths that ultimately leave of thirsty.

Responsibility rests with the traveler. We must choose to find the path the feels right and do our best to filter out the misguided directions that many bystanders will give out with a smile. We have to have the courage to make a choice and live with that choice, free of blame, guilt or “what might have been’s.”

A powerful distinction is the idea of Choice v.s. Decision. A Decision is something that requires you give something up in order to receive the something you desire. The power of Choice is in it’s ability to accept what you want as it is and know that you never truly lose something. You never have to give something up, because you are always gaining something threw your choice.

A divorce does not have to be a decision. If you realize that you are gaining much in the form of freedom and happiness and success for all involved, the money and time you “lost” was never truly lost. You gained experience and memories and countless other things. You never have to make a decision in life as long as you remember that life is full of powerful abundant qualities that will spring forth for those who are open and willing to realize their existence.

I’m excited to start my life with a new perspective and sense of freedom. I’m excited to unlock the life that I “decided” had to be full of work and struggle in order to achieve success. I’ve chosen to live life by my rules and open myself up to the abundance of money, love, energy and success that is waiting for anyone to grasp hold of.

I’ve chosen my path and I am confident enough to ignore those who have no idea where I’ve come from and no idea where I’m going. I don’t need directions because no one has gone down this path before. I’m making my own map and my own trail and it would be absurd to expect someone to lead me somewhere that has yet to be.

I think it’s important that you fully understand my perspective. I’ve verbalized it to you on many occasions, but I’m not sure that I’ve expressed it clearly enough because a lot of the things in this proposal are kind of insulting to me. I understand business is business in a lot of people’s minds, but I wanted to be able to walk away from this with the magazine being successful and us not hating one another.

I want to avoid playing hard ball because it’s so much easier for me to just dissolve the business and have the magazine go down and then restart it under a new name. Andrew Waite already offered to start a magazine with the same concept under a new title and he would fund the whole thing if I would run it. I have a loyalty to our publication that goes beyond business. If it were about money I would tell you we are dissolving the magazine pay my part of the debt and it would cost me an insignificant amount of money. Then I would start a new title the next day and I would be up and running in no time because I have all the intellectual capital to make this work. Is that right? I’ll tell you that most people say that it’s smart. There is nothing illegal about it and I would end up making a hell of a lot more money than I even asked of you.

I don’t think that is fair to the Magazine, you or Courtney. I am about doing what makes you happy in life and I love this magazine. I think long term and I don’t measure results in a moment. I see potential and I know what I have to do in order to make something happen. This magazine was never meant to be an over night success and it couldn’t be. There were too many brokers and too many skeptics to make it happen right away. The real estate market had to soften to open up the minds of the arrogant brokers raking in money without lifting a finger. I’ve worked countless 100+ hr work weeks and threw my primary business to the wayside. It finally got to me that we can never be business partners because we view life through two different lenses. When I allowed myself to accept that I knew I had to buy you out, or let you buy me out in order to save the magazine.

I respect what you do, but think that our personalities are very different (actually we are probably polar opposites) This is great if we complement one another but we don’t and that’s ok, just not ok for business. I know you agree with this. I have been the one to develop this business model and determine what works and what doesn’t work and the whole time having to fight one another to accomplish anything.

I never once received a dollar in payment (and either did you), the obvious difference is that the amount of hours I put in and the countless hats I had to wear at at one once deserved some compensation. All I asked for was to work out a compensation that would be fair in order for you to keep the business and give you the chance to gain back your money, while I walk away from any chance of gaining my money back. I even offered to buy the business from you and you said no. So instead of doing what’s best for me and dissolving the business, teaming up with an already successful publisher who will fund me fully, I still want to create a Win-Win situation for you. I want to you to ask yourself if you would do this or any of your other business partners would do this? I’m not saying I’m special, but I want to you realize the gravity of what I’m doing here and why it’s frustrating to have people tell you that I’m not worth paying.

I’ve never been more tested in my life. This decision has been the hardest one of my life and I’m turning down easy money for my principles and my morals. I deserve so much more than I’m even asking for and then I’m challenged about this compensation and the fact that I even deserve the money owed to me. I’m even willing to go to meetings where supposedly “impartial” people give you personal advice. It’s frustrating and it’s taking everything I have to keep from killing this and taking the money that Andrew is offering me. I have worked for free and even sold an Ad the other day, knowing full well that you would get the benefit of the sale. I want to work something out that is fair, but if we can’t I won’t fault myself for going down the path that was right.

This is a decision you have to make for yourself and all the outside advice is important but it can cloud your mind with their biased opinions. I have not looked to anyone for advice because I’m following my heart and doing what I feel like, now. No one has been there to see the business and the way we have interacted and what I have done. They have only heard stories and made up their own to create an outcome that they want.

I will send back my response to your proposal, but please ask yourself what I deserve for what I have contributed to the future success of the magazine and the way I have acted completely unselfishly for the past two years. I have never cheated on you in a personal or professional way. I have never stolen money, or defaced you in front of an employee, client, or friend. I’ve been a stand up business partner that has only been flawed by the fact that I have a different outlook than you when it comes to business.

I am confident that we can find a way to have everyone benefit and for you to make a lot of money using your talents as an entrepreneur to capitalize on the groundwork that I have laid.

Why have I not been writing consistently? I have not made it a priority. I have decided to write at the end of each night and thus if I get too tired I fail to write in the blog. So I have decided to write when I have down time to make sure that it gets done daily as I promised myself.

Summary of events from the past days that I failed to write.

I told my partner I was quitting because I was not happy being partners

We came to a relative agreement

He talked to people (parents) and decided he didn’t like the deal anymore

We met with a “consultant” who was so unprofessional that he gave biased opinions

We talked on the phone tonight and started working towards a deal again

There has been a lot of fighting in between but not as bad as it has been at times. I’m still working for the magazine to keep it going but I won’t work past tomorrow without a resolution. I’ve worked for free for way too long already.

I really have very little to write about. There are many things in my head at the moment but very little I feel compelled to express. It just wants to stay in place and do what ever it wants rather than be forced to come out onto paper (if even of the virtual sort)

Ok so today the topic is presense.  Why specifically that?  Well something that always intrigued me is that presence is someting that is there or not. 

Here is an interesting observation we all encountered people that don’t dress well, yet everyone notices them, people that don’t say much, yet everyone is keenly aware of them, people that would by all regular measures have everything working against them (bad clothes, hair, posture etc…) yet they stand apart from everyone. 

One thing those people do have is PRESENSE  it’s the unspoken thing radiating from the very core of them, just like you can tell that the storm is coming long before it hits this people project a similar filed of sorts around them, you can like them or hate them, but one thing is sure you can’t be indifferent to them.  

So what is this presence and why some have it and some don’t?  Well if you thinking confidence is one of the main components of it you are absolutely corrects.   How does one develope a confidence to that extent?  Well some may say through a lifetime of acheivements and so on, and I think it’s valid but I don’t think it’s the reason, rather it’s a sideeffect.  

Here is what I am thinking, a lion, does he need to be someone or prove something or create something to have a presence that he does?  Absolutely not, he is a king of the jungle period, he does not need to do or prove, he already is.  I beleive that people are also kings of the jungle every single one of us.  You might say if it was so how come we don’t have everyone with presence?  

I say conditioning, it’s  I don’t think to have the Presence you need to learn something, rather unlearn a lot of usless conditioning that a lof of people with the best of intentions have sold you as needed.   Every single person is doing the best they know how with what they have. 

Naturally everyone’s best is different depending mostly on best of the people they happend to spend time with when they were younger, after all we don’t choose our parents, relatives and often a lot of our friends (all though we should).  

 All this people contributed to us and thus imparted us with side-effects of a lot of their fears and otherwise uselss ideas which they thought were valuable and thus imparted them on us  (be a good boy, be likable, play nice)  all good and well in context but unfortunately no one tells which context so we end up using it for everything and hence dont’ get much (as one smart man said if we have a hammer everythign looks like a nail).  

I carried off a bit, so getting back on track.  What is needed to develop presence?   Courage to beleive and faith to beleive in your inner lion and allow it to come out, having strength to discard or at least test our presuppositions and knotions (how many of us still have a inner 6 year old making a great deal of decisions in our life?).   

Have the presence, because you belong in this world, you deserve hapinsess.  How do I know?  The very fact that you are here already implies that  a billion of very unlikely things had to happend in ordrer to create an ultimate outcome resulting in your birth, think about it.

Things are going well. It is interesting to recognize your inner boundaries, the kind that are there and you just can’t seem to get around them as if some unseen leash is keeping you. I know precisely what it is and I know exactly what I need to do to get myself free. It’s preconceived notions and decisions I made consciously or not long time ago, which now unwittingly I am following even though logically I find it’s not what I desire to happened.

Conditioning is definitely a force to be reckoned with, it’s not enough to recognize it (how many people recognize smoking is band and they should quit, but never do) what is needed is massive amounts of actions directed to create a new pattern of behavior, combined with visualization, seeing yourself as already having accomplished desired results or in terms of personality already see yourself as having those traits you choose to have.

It really something that seems to be messing with me at times, as if there was another person within me that is constantly lurking in the shadows and sabotages my efforts, I don’t remember who said that we are our greatest enemies, but they did have a point, except it does not need to be a permanent condition, we can be our greatest ally as well. The plan is to have visualization of desired outcome and affirmation as if what ever I am pursuing is already in my possession and I fully enjoy it’s benefits.

Decisions are much more difficult than choices to use Landmark distinctions. I’m making this tougher than it has to be because I fear a loss on either end. Things are going well in the business we have a new sales rep that is fired up, magazines are moving. The only thing that is constant is my business partner.

We are not specifically fighting but I have the feeling that our personalities are always incompatible. If I don’t get out now, when will I. Happiness is priceless and all the money and fame and pride of product are worthless if you don’t have a sense of joy. I question myself and want to take responsibility for my portion of this unfortunate relationship.

I feel burnt and it seems irreparable with the current situation. I talked with someone the other day about buying my portion of the company but they don’t want to deal with my business partner either. They would buy it in a hart beat if I came with the company. I don’t want a boss and I don’t think my partner will let me buy them out.

There are three options

1)      I stay and stick it out hoping things will work out between us.

2)      Sell my part of the phoenix market and license my software back to the company

3)      Dissolve it all and work with another publisher on a “similar” title

I don’t want to keep spending money on a chance of happiness when I have a functioning profitable company to work with already. So 1 is gone.

I will work to create 2 as the most viable option but if this is refused then I will still come out on top with option 3. I am the company and I can ignite it in a fraction of the time.

I have to keep my integrity and avoid looking back at what could have been once I jump. There is no room for those looking in reverse. My heart is tied up into this magazine and I stopped treating it like a business a long time ago. Sometimes this is good, sometimes this creates problems. I have to decide that I don’t like working with jonathan and sure as heck don’t like working for him. This has never been a partnership and it’s taken me way to long to learn my lesson.

I am meeting today and today I will have an answer.

It’s obvious at this point that I’m not following through with my commitment to blog daily. I am recommitting for the reason that I find pleasure and value in expressing my thoughts for posterity. The internet is an incredible thing. Allowing me to store my thoughts for future reference and creating a way for me to remember the successes and mistakes that I have made.

To the point…

The term Carpe Diem is often used for motivation and it occurred to me last evening (as I was waking from a nap) that one should seize the nano-second. We often think about times in chunks as in years and months and weeks and days. The fact is that we have a life and every moment is a part of that life. I have found myself on many occasions “saving” my energy for this theoretical future thrust of energy. I have in essence been seizing a future day instead of being present in the moment and taking the immediate opportunity at hand.

When we hear of survivors making it through seemingly impossible situations, the common thread is that they take life on moment by moment. They crawl for 5 feet at a time and before they know it they’ve made in a mile. The reality is (at this point at least) that life is challenging and sometimes we feel as if we are unable to accomplish our goals for that particular moment. We put them off until we have enough “energy” If we were to apply this to a life threatening situation we would fall asleep and in all likelihood never wake up.

Ideally I would like to get to the point where life no longer feels like a struggle, but the reality is that enlightenment is a process and it often feels like a struggle. Being a realist is sometimes underrated by people in the self improvement field. Often people look to approach life in a mystical way and fail to combine reality and metaphysical possibility to create the best approach to life.

By telling myself that I will be the prize in that moment of weakness and accept the fact that I feel week I am creating a powerful chain of events. I am living in the moment and being present of my success in that instant. By focusing on the future we sometimes create windows that allow excuses to blow through as a comforting breeze. By letting immediate gratification overcome us we are giving up the chance to create positive momentum and increase our store of positive energy. The winning streaks in life are built in moments not in months or decades.

By focusing on the moment and the success in a moment we increase our awareness of our progress and increase our understanding of how little successes are the structures that allow for greater success to occur. We are rewarding ourselves instead of waiting around for some mystical change of events which will drastically alter our mood. This passive lifestyle is what depression is made from and the cycle that leads to consistent failure.

I will continue more with this tomorrow as I get into specifics of altering my thought process.

Ok, so based on the research done by some very smart people the average time to develop a new habit is 3 weeks or 21 days.  Developing new habit implies that a person get’s into a particular rhythm of doing something without feeling that they need to force themselves to do it, a feeling where it takes little effort to keep up doing something and to actually start feeling a bit awkward when they don’t follow through.  Often times it’s a very hard thing to do, so thinking about it what does get a person through this barrier? I am thinking it must be heart and genuine desire.  I know that when I “have to” do something or I think doing something is “good for me” most of the time it does not get accomplished.  It does happened most of the time when I truly deeply desire something, everything else takes a back seat, a genuine heart-felt desire to do something with emotional and not logical reasons for wanting to achieve it.  So when I want to accomplish something I find emotional reason for doing it because I am just too skilled at playing and outplaying myself in logical games, where I can just as easily reframe my mind about doing something as I can to make myself avoid it.   I say if you can’t find reasons to do something, don’t waste your time until such a time that you do.  For what ends up happening is you waste a lot of energy and time accomplishing practically nothing just spinning your wheels and getting nowhere.   Find the emotion, find the feeling connect with the internal desires and success will follow suit. 

People say that all things genius are simple.  I believe it is indeed the case.  Today I want to talk about the importance of feelings in realization of anything in life.   There is a book by a lady named Lynn Grabhorn “Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting”  several years ago I happened to come across it and it underlined the importance of being able to feel good, to vibe as she calls it.  We all know that feeling good is important, but most don’t realize just how much.  We hear about the law of attraction everywhere recently, and for a good reason, it works.  The feelings are the one thing that seems to be there when things are good or bad, when you are feeling good about things you want to see happened, regardless of what is going on around you at the moment, you seem to effortlessly achieve it.  When you start feeling bad in reflection to undesirable circumstances that you might be facing at the moment, you get more of the difficult circumstances.    It works like a clock in a very predictable fashion, you feel good and good results are guaranteed, you feel bad, and you get more of the things you are feeling bad about.  It’s not easy by any means, some times it is quire hard to switch and start feeling something positive, do it anyways, find things to be happy about, weather imagining your desired happy outcome, talking to yourself in a kind and carrying way as if to a youngster needing encouragement, or simply feeling grateful for what you already have.  Do it, and be pleasantly surprised by the simplicity of being able to achieve desired results J